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Milo, Otis and our lovely Coffs bananas all have one thing in common after a session of low-range 4WDing. Come with us as we take on Coffs Harbour's finest countryside in Part One of the Coffs Coast Adventure!

Words by Jonh Rooth
Photography by Robb Cox

"Oi Roothy, we're heading up to Coffs Harbour for the next DVD to do some of the tracks up behind town. How's Milo looking?" Pat's call got me going straight away. How's Milo looking? Bloody sad since our last effort down the High Country. The old girl's taken such a beating on the last couple of trips I haven't known where to start the fix list to be honest. So I haven't.
"She's never run better, Pat. She's smoother than a dairy cow in a tub of margarine - absolutely raring to go adventuring. But what's this Coffs caper, mate? That's civilisation you're talking about there, not our usual clobber. There are plenty of tourist traps and bikinis and pubs and, hey, maybe you're on to something after all?"
As much as the thought of barmaids in bikinis was warming my cockles, I figured maybe Editor Pat was right off track with a trip to Coffs. My old man retired to a banana farm at Woolgoolga, and since they outlawed shotguns in NSW, I've visited him a few times, too. It's lovely country and all that, but hey, nothing you couldn't see in the Handbrake's Morry. And the most exciting ride in town was the luge at the Big Banana. Ah well, poor old Milo could handle a nice soft trip for a change, and seeing as Coffs is only five hours south of the Mudflats, this'd also be the closest run we've been on in years. Ha, maybe me big mate was going a bit soft? I'd better handle this with the delicate and sensitive touch us Queenslanders are renowned for.
"You going soft, you big girl? There's nothing up there a bloke can't do on a skateboard. We'll get laughed out of the Double Lockers Club, ya mug. They'll make you put Terios rims on Otis, and I'll have to paint Milo fluoro pink. "Why don't we pull another Cape Trip before everybody thinks we've turned into raving self-inflating mattress-biters or something."
"You know I had my holidays up there?" said Pat, not even bothering to pick up the bait. "I met a couple of the local blokes who showed me some awesome country up in those hills. You might be in for a big surprise. There's stuff there that'll stop Otis, I reckon. Milo won't stand a chance."
"Yeah, yeah, and Nissans are made from old fairy floss. How long have I got?"
"Err, we set off in a couple of weeks. And I need you to write that 14-page summary on 'Wheel Rims - 48 Things You Never Knew' and that 20-page feature on 'Gear Shifting - Don't Be A Knob' by next week while you're at it. And Tim's got a few things he needs scribbled up, too. I'll put him on."

Oh beauty, a stuffed truck and a heap of work to climb over before I can get to it. Time to go to the pub - always the best remedy for stressful situations I find - and that's when Fat Kevvy came up with a stroke of brilliance.
"What about your mates out at ARB? They've worked on Milo before. In fact, I recollect you saying once that the only things that hadn't gone wrong were the things Ekky did in the first place and whatever it was that Dave and Shorty did at ARB. "With your track record, Roothy, I'm buggered if I know why you don't just get them to sort out Milo rather than you stuffing her up even more."
There's nothing like a vote of confidence from a mate, is there? But I'd like to thank Roger Vickory and the lads from ARB Queensland HQ over at Hendra, because they did save the day big-time.

When it comes to pre-trip preparation, nobody does it better, and I should know. These guys found potential problems on Milo I hadn't even thought of, and fixed them. So, Milo and I made it to Coffs easily in time to meet the crew that Pat had assembled for this trip. Editor Pat you already know - that 'big man with the little truck with really big wheels', as my son Tom says. Otis was there, of course, sitting on a trailer that Kevin Smith had towed up from Sydney. Kev was one of the blokes Pat had met while on holiday, but I remember him from the glory years down at Emu Creek when he was the man to beat in the mud drags and hill-climb events. A dedicated off-roader with a passion for power and a turbocharged 80 Series that sits right up in the sky, Smithy knows the local area very well. He's been in both the Coffs Harbour 4WD Club and the Woolgoolga 4WD Club, and has led plenty of trips where usually most of the people made it home. If they didn't, it's because he doesn't know the meaning of phrases like 'Gee Kev, this looks pretty tough, maybe we shouldn't try it'. Nope, to Smithy that'd be like throwing down the glove. Once we'd pried him from behind his beloved 80's steering wheel, he soon settled into driving the ARB-equipped HiLux and spent the remainder of our trip either leading the way or waiting up top while we stuffed things up below.

For reasons that are pretty obvious, I kept thinking of Smithy as 'Fit Kevvy'. He's as big as my mate everywhere except the girth. Also along at various stages of our game was Pat's other mates, Dion and Deb O'Sullivan and their kids, Mitch and Sasha. Dion's into earthmoving and his experience with machines showed through every time we watched him punch the family Patrol - admittedly lifted and running big rubber - up tracks and around places that our more purpose-built trucks could only just manage. See it, drive it - that's about Dion's motto, and he sure knows his way around the backtracks of Coffs Harbour. The places he put that Nissan were unbelievable, but you'll get to see more of those later, I'm sure! Not local was our photographer Robb Cox, who thrives on anything that looks like adventure, but then, you've met him, too. Robb's rapidly building a big name for punting his own modified Discovery into some remarkable places, but on this trip he was driving the cameras, not the trucks!

You've also met Mark 'Lowmount' Lowry, head of product development down at ARB's Kilsyth HQ and a seasoned off-roader with plenty of competition experience before we even talk about his other exploits. Which I won't, you've probably seen them on the web anyway, and if not, my mate Doctor Zig Zag's got most of them filed under 'nature photos' on his computer. He'll let you look at them if you lend him your Medicare card. Which leaves the crew for our next video production. Actually, by the time we'd loaded all the gear, we almost did leave the crew behind through lack of space! This time we had a real live TV producer along. Ian Withnall's worked on programs like Burke's Backyard and something called Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which is also about backyards, or back doors or something.

I'd straight away decided he'd be right out of place punching around the bush with a bunch of rough nuts like us, but within the first couple of days Ian had nailed a reputation for being a hard-nosed off-roader himself. Err, despite the fact that he's owned and built Land Rovers for fun for years. Talking rough nuts, I'd better introduce the blokes who came with Ian - Peter Hardin, a very experienced TV cameraman, and Scotty Last, a fair-dinkum sound technician. Struth, with so much professionalism in place, it looks like this DVD is going to be a real pearler! Or maybe Pat just figures we're that bad at this telly caper we need all the help we can get. Vehicle-wise, we had Otis and Milo, of course, and ARB had provided a couple of new-model trucks fully kitted out so we could test both the gear and prove once again how much a truck can be improved with some well-spent dollars. In this case, it was a 100 Series LandCruiser and one of the new HiLux diesels in dual-cab mode.

You've got to give it to ARB. Despite knowing - we've 'nearly' lost several of its trucks on previous trips - how tough we like to make things, it keeps putting its hand up. There's no tougher proving ground for products than trips like this where kitted newbies have to travel the same tracks as tough old warhorses like ours. And we're not talking about the pussy-footed 'get it into a tough spot for the photo' catalogue-type con job here either. These trips are genuinely tough on vehicles and even tougher on product. If you don't believe me, just ask Milo. ARB is one company that genuinely believes in testing its clobber the hard way. More about the trucks and the products later, because on that first day we were in a rush to get out of town and see just what Pat had in mind. In convoy order, we left 'McChuckies' on the south side of Coffs - 'four egg-and-bacon rolls, a dozen hash browns, three cups of coffee and do you guys want some breakfast, too?' - and drove a whole 4km down the highway to Middle Boambee Road.

There we found ourselves straight into low-range, tackling the Eagles Trail that was originally opened up by Smithy and Grant Owers many years ago. While following the powerlines up to a communications tower, working our way up in low-first with plenty of tyre scrabbling, we came across a rock ledge about 30m from the top. I had Milo's front Air Locker in for a bit, but figuring the rocks would make more traction than the leaf-strewn slippery clay tracks, I switched it off and crawled up on rear locker alone. Why? Because if things could get this tough while a bloke was still burping up McDonalds, then we might be needing that front locker real soon. Over the years, I've heard plenty of CVs snap, because that change in the track - from clay to rock - means that the traction on offer can go from nothing to everything in an inch. It's that sudden jolt that breaks things, I reckon. Intensive rain the week before had really scarred up the track from here on up, and it looked more like a series of erosion gullies than anything else.

It was enough to stop us short, and then Pat had troubles finding reverse in Otis's auto transmission while trying a hard six-point turn to come back down. Out came the recovery gear and with Milo right behind, we pulled a slingshot winching exercise to get the little Zuke pointing the right way again. Boy, an hour after breakfast and we've already hit the limit, pulled a recovery to get out and nearly turned over the other trucks with steep-angle U-turns! Suddenly this Coffs caper was looking anything but being soft! "Right" says Dion, "let's go check out some of the creeks instead, huh?" We dropped down to Fridays Creek Road, travelled a few more kilometres and then swung left up Dingo Creek Road. A little ways along and we followed Dion's Patrol down a track to the right that wasn't signposted but was surrounded by dense bush. Wow, we're still less than half an hour from Coffs, and yet it could have been dense Cape rainforest as we pushed the vehicles through jungle-like scrub that left plenty of scratches.

The next thing we're in the middle of Frontage Creek - a fast-running crystal-clear watercourse that was as cold as it was beautiful. The track here is the creek we're told, so we turned left and drove up it, not bothering to walk it first because it's too cold, and anyway, Pat's in front in Otis with those massive tyres and buckets of ground clearance. That decision almost proved very costly indeed. The water was so clear that judging depth just by looking was incredibly deceptive because you could see the creek bottom so easily. Around one corner and then Pat's decided to take a slightly deeper line for the sake of the cameraman standing in front. Otis drops down on one side so quickly Pat guesses there's worse to come and stops, but the fast-flowing water takes over, and with sand shifting from underneath his tyres on the deeper side, the little Suzuki is set to tumble. Quick as a flash - okay, a slow flash then - Fit Kevvie, Robb and I jump on Otis and hang our butts over the side as Pat gently reverses out on two wheels and full lock.

"Phew, that was close!" says Pat, struggling to select forward now Otis is stuck in reverse. "Not as close as last year, eh Dion?" says Kev. Turns out the guys had watched a Maverick driver do exactly the same thing here a few years ago after he'd been warned, and then they'd had to watch as his truck floated downstream banging against the rock ledges on its way. Ah well, no chance of Otis floating anyway. She'd have gone straight over first! Pat's almost had enough of this tough gearshift stuff, and so he hops out to give Otis the once-over. Almost immediately, he finds that the auto fluid has gone milky white. Bummer, water in the transmission - on an automatic that's really bad news, because if it's in there long enough, it'll literally rot the linings off the clutch packs. By now, it's almost dark, but despite being stuck up a creek without an auto paddle, we've still got work to do because Lowmount figures this creek and some night time is exactly what's required to give the new IPF Extreme Sports driving lights a fair-dinkum test.

These new lights incorporate a breathing membrane filter on their rear side designed to allow for expansion and contraction without sucking up the creek. Taking the HiLux further downstream where the water's depth varies to well over the bonnet, Mark hunts back and forth dipping the beams under the surface in an effort to see if they'd fail. No way, in fact, they lit up the bottom of the creek just as well as the trees! How good are these IPFs? Guess what Milo's wearing these days. We made it back before the kitchen shut and booked some rooms for the night just as the rain began to fall heavily. Already we'd some amazing adventures right on the outskirts of town, yet instead of camping out, here we were, changing TV channels in the next room courtesy of someone leaving the wrong remote in ours. Somewhere there's a little car driver who's even more confused than usual. The next day Pat took Otis to the garage and confirmed our worst possibility - the transmission was completely stuffed; probably by the same water damage that'd almost killed Milo down in the High Country.

It'd be a day on the hoist at least, so we crowded into the remaining trucks and 'did' the Big Banana instead. There's a luge ride there that's the nearest thing to tobogganing, and using the DVD as an excuse, we spent an hour or so playing like a bunch of kids. So, what's new? The Rover Fire Trail for one thing. I must have driven up that road to Sealy Lookout on the north side of Coffs a few dozen times back in the old days when I was courting the Handbrake, yet I'd never noticed a little track off to the right signposted 'Rover Trail'. Once again we were in low-range almost from the start (just like my courting days, come to think of it.), and while this mostly graded track was easy enough for beginners, the views as it wound through the back of the banana farms over vertical slopes were incredible. You could see all the way up the coast and the beaches at Emerald and Sapphire looked spectacular. So, we did a quick lap before following Smithy further up Swans Road through to the Undarra National Park. There's a 'dry weather only' 4WD track here, and as the sun was shining, we took it, only to have the clouds open up within minutes. All the way you could see huge old tree stumps notched by the early timber getters - just perfect for a bit of winching!

Back through town, head south past Macca's again and at the roundabout next to Bunnings we've taken Englands Road up to something Kev called 'Kylie's Track'. After the rain, the clay-based track is as slippery as a politician's promise, but we're making decent progress until the first tree that's dropped across the track. Some winching and we've shifted that one, but even our boots are coated with wet clay that'd give the average potter a thrill. About now the track takes a sharp turn upwards, and Kev mentions that we're not on Kylie anymore; we're now fronting Steep Hill. We were too - it was almost straight up! The first part was steep and strewn with rocks, with plenty of big gutters just for fun. With Milo in low-first, the rear locker on and the hand throttle set at about a third pace, the old girl climbed straight up without faltering - almost. One bump bigger than the rest and we're stopped, so it's front locker in and go again, only to have her drag herself up on the rear driveshaft. The next stage and another gutter lurches my truck straight into the bank to one side - about the only thing holding her on her wheels. The side step on the driver's side gets flattened, but we keep going until the track plateaued out and I could wait for the others.

I'm just wondering how the hell anyone could get either the HiLux or the 100 up that last slope without major damage when Kev and Mark pull in fairly close behind each other. They'd made it unscathed - a tribute to ARB's superb protection gear and both men's driving skills. But like four-wheel drivers throughout the country, none of us could stop smiling because it was just too much fun. Night falls quickly in the hills and almost the same time it got dark it started to pelt down rain as well. We'd had plans to camp out on top of Steep Hill, but when a huge log across the track stopped us for good, well, those motel rooms sure looked like the place to be. Anyway, Pat was starting to froth at the mouth from being without Otis through such an incredible day's driving, so we figured we'd better get back and pick her up, too. On the way back into town - only took half an hour, how good is this place? - I felt the vibration well up from underneath Milo every time we went much over 40km/h. Yep, it was definitely a badly bent driveshaft, and being custom shafts, I knew it'd be expensive. Now, if only I could stop smiling.

Righto, same bent time, same bent channel - see you next installment, because even though we figured the local lads had thrown us right in at the deep end, the action had only just begun!

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